Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
