And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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