Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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