I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
