why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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