If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
