I haven't been this sober since birth.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
