If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
