even my farts smell like vagina
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
