if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just found a bag of teeth...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
