That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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