Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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