dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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