i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
