Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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