I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
even my farts smell like vagina
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
