if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
