your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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