My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
