All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
