everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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