i think my tv is drunk
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
