Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
