between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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