What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
