this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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