You can't motorboat a personality
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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