We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
