every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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