32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize