I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
