Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
