Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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