Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
