I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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