This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
