Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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