i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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