They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
