I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
