I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
