A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
