I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
