Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
