So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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