I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
