When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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