Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
