im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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