Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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