cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
