my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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