When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
