I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
