If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
