can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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