I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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