bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
