Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
