I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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