She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
