Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
