how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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