Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
