i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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