My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize