nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
