Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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