6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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