My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
