i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
