I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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