Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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