I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
