would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Shame - the story of my life.
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