I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
