I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize