the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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