that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
