let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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