so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you win again, gameday.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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