So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
