Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
