Will you blow on my dice?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
