when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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