No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
