well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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