Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
