Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize