You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
